Ok. So we have all heard the dictum ‘I am not homophobic. BUT. If they choose to live that…’ I have heard it many times, and would say before I roll onwards that I am not personally criticising those people as it is, after all, simply another point of view. It is just one I cannot agree with.
That is the word that bothers me. You choose to do many things in life; drink alcohol, have an affair, smack your wife, etc. When I was 16 I chose to start smoking. Four months ago I chose to give up. Do we, however, say that everything we do in life is a choice?
You can’t choose who you fall in love with
This is a quote that we commonly except as truth. You just fall in love. It happens. It just so happens that due to procreation men and women normally fall in love with each other. Not always though. As a species we have grown and evolved: we have a massive emotional ability to love, and fall in love. Is it so wrong then that we can fall in love with someone of the same sex? I really don’t think so. It’s just how our society is evolving; due to science and democracy two people of the same sex can now marry and have a child together. It is another manner of evolution. In line with technology, science, and society.
Is it therefore any different for a man and a man who fall in love? Do we think they chose to fall in love with each other? Did you choose to fall in love with your wife? Or did your eyes catch hers from across a room, and you thought wow. Your heart might have fluttered. You had a drink together, laughed together; realised you were in love. It is not a conscious decision for any of us. So why on earth do we presume to think that for someone who falls in love with a person of the same sex it is a choice: they have chosen it. No-one could just fall in love with a person of the same sex.
If you honestly think that I struggle to see that you could have felt true love.
That is not to say that such a couple may choose a lot about their lives: where to live, whether to have a child, what wallpaper to have, whether to have an accent wall or not. All that is choice. Getting married? Choice. Falling in love with that person in the first place… NOT CHOICE.
Further to this; what I cannot understand is why we feel it necessary to instantly label everyone, for the very reasons discussed above. A woman who ‘chooses’ to fall in love with a woman? Lesbian. A woman who sleeps with a woman but goes out with a bloke? Bisexual. A man who sleeps with or goes out with any guy? Gay. Everyone else? Straight. Normal. A woman who has a one-night stand? Slut. A guy that uses a wheelchair? Disabled. Worse? Retarded.
Everywhere we look we see labels. They annoy the hell out of me. Why can’t we let people just be. People will fall in love with who they fall in love with. It may be man, woman, or alien. Who cares? It is not a choice, it just happens.
This brings me to the conclusion that we do not need to label anyone for something that is out of their control. If someone that is addicted to alcohol chooses to keep drinking then call them an alcoholic. If someone who is addicted to nicotine choses to keep smoking call them a smoker. A couple of really nice people that happen to be of the same sex, who love each other and want to marry, or have children?
For the love of god – just call them a beautiful couple! Or call them your friends. Or by their names… what other labels do we need?