If – Respun

If you can do your hair whilst cooking dinner

And not get hair in the beef stew

If you can convince him that you trust him

Yet track his every stupid move

If you can make him spend hours with you shopping

And if he moans, not hear his moaning

Or if he lies, know you look fat

And yet when needing money, he pays without a slap


If you can blink, and he comes running

But ever scheming, know when to stop

If you can bid him do your every bidding

Yet at your feet, still have him drop

If he can dream, yet know its yours that matter

If he can think, but make your thoughts his aim

Then you will triumph, not meet disaster

And – which is more – you’ll be a woman (men are lame)!


My respun version of Rudyard Kipling’s If, as asked by today’s NaPoWriMo’s prompt.

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